Friday 27 April 2012

I want Kids: The support and love of a husband

The first time I was told of my fibroid, I was told that my options were to have a child or surgery. I mentioned in an earlier post the circumstances surrounded that. Of course I wanted children, I believe most ladies do especially those with husbands. However, kids really was not in the equation for me at the time and I didn't know when it would be. Even after i got married I was unsure as to what to do although I tell myself I am going to start right away. I have been hearing all my years in church that it is good to at least have 2 good years with your husband, just enjoying each other. I was also reminded of that by a doctor when I returned to Jamaica and after I was married. She expressed to me the responsibility of a child and how it can ruin your marriage. I knew I at least wanted one child in my life at some point, while my husband number was a bit higher :) But then you are in a position where even though you might not be financially or mentally ready your issues are some what forcing you to, it becomes a very difficult decision. When you are in a position where you can start trying now but you are not succeeding or you are in a position like me that if you try and get pregnant, you chances of miscarriage is close to a 100%, it is even worse. According to my last doctor when he saw the size of my fibroid, which doctor could have asked you to try with a fibroid of that size? Yet many others express to me how they deliver babies with mothers who had fibroid the same size or bigger...the baby just went on the other side, put the cake in the oven and see how it bake etc etc CONFUSION!!! That is how our minds are sometime and there is where our husbands come in.

I pray and trust here that when you got married it was for the right reasons and it was with the right person. The support of your husband and loved ones, but mainly your spouse is of utmost importance in this situation. I can personally talk about my situation before and after the surgery. I needed him to feel what I feel emotionally and understand me. I needed him to direct me in the decision about surgery. I needed him to assure me that when we are ready for kids, we would have them. I needed him to be stronger than me. Even after the surgery, my husband was there to meet my physical and emotional needs. Getting up was a problem, lying down a problem, lifting things, bathing., walking, cooking...I can write a list of things that you are going to find much harder to do or your are going to be asked to desist from doing after your surgery. If you are not close to your parents and other family members like me, your husband becomes your EVERYTHING.

Many times during my ordeal I was ask how your husband feel? Or statements were made...boy fibroid can prevent you from getting pregnant. Have you ever hear those things, which can make you cry if you are not strong enough because NO ONE seems to understand what you are going through. As innocent as these statements may be, it deposits different negative things in your mind. You might find yourself frustrating your husband with little things you say. Again, the relationship with your spouse is extremely important. If you are a praying woman, you need a husband who understands the reasons behind your prayers and would join you. My husband is all that and more. I can COMMUNICATE with him about EVERYTHING and I hide NOTHING. I believe that is a principle we all should utilize. Don't carry this burden alone. Don't keep what you are feeling away from him. Question him about his feelings and thoughts. TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! The outside world can never give you the love and support that your husband can. If you do not do these things, you will get frustrated when he looks another couple with their kids or you may take a simple friendship with his lady friend to mean something more than it is because you are now putting yourself in a vacuum where you are the unattractive, non reproductive/unfruitful, fill with sickness woman that you have established in your minds. While dealing with your issues, live your life, but most of all enjoy it. It helps to reduce the STRESS that is detrimental to our health and only help to intensify our situations.

Accept the help and love of your husbands. Cherish him, thank him and praise him. Don't do it in your minds or with gifts but rather with words. Don't ever start looking at your age and giving up. Look at Sarah in the bible...90 and was pregnant with her first child. The doctors would say what their scientific knowledge give to them, people would say what they feel and think and then GOD will remind you of what he says. Be optimistic and refrain from negative thinking and listening to negative sources. I delight myself in the will of the Lord knowing that I am going to get my children when I am ready. Ill be sure to do a post telling all my followers about it and you will rejoice with me. Are you going to have your children when you are ready?





14 comments:

  1. The love & support of a husband is so powerful, it makes you feel contented. I can relate to that. My sister got married in 2010 & recently had her first baby at 31, so when the time is right we all can if we believe. With God all things are possible!

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  3. Smoochie girl, I would have rather waited until I finished my PhD, but with every thing that is happening, I have to go right ahead once I get the right away from the doctor and let God do the rest in terms of proving financially and otherwise. I am not worried but having kids, I am sure God will bless me, I can see why not, but in the mean time I have to prepare myself mentally and financially.

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    1. yeah i understand what you mean. I want to do my masters now! You just take care of yourself ,& yeah when they give the right away, you do your thing,God is with you all the way my dearie.

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  4. A friend of mine was having weird menses for years, sometimes it went on for weeks and weeks, then did not come for the next 3 months. Another friend of mine, has fibroids but if u look at her her tummy is not high, & as a result, she had a miscarriage & they told her not to try again anytime soon. Until the medication & treatment they are giving works.

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    1. I can only imagine her frustration. I keep saying Lord no miscarriages. It could never be an easy thing to have your bundle in your belly, rejoicing, feeling the little kicks and then miscarried. Ill keep her in my prayers and if she ever feels like sharing, tell her my blog is available.

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  5. Diagnosed with PCOS

    I will like to join in sharing my experience because I know and am well aware that there are a great number of ladies; friends and family members that are going through some sort of problem with their uterus. Mind you, my story is long, but I am going to try and give you a shorten version. Here I go…
    My menstrual stated when I was 13 and oh was I happy! I was bless never to go through all those cramps and immense pain that some of my class mates were going through at the time and even more happier that it never came more than 5 days, sometimes 4. It was always regular in terms of blood flow: no clots, clean red blood. By year 4 I realized that my menstrual was not coming monthly. It will skip a month or 2, then return. My mom took me to a doctor and after running the entire necessary test, we were told that I am fine and it is not abnormal for some persons to miss some months.
    By the time I was in my early 20’s I was going 6 months and more without having my menses. To me this was rather abnormal, because this was supposed to be monthly at my age. All the time I was visiting my doctor and he just could not find anything wrong with me. Talk about frustrated and scared!!! Well I changed my doctor of fear that probably he “did not know what he was doing”. My next doc ran a “chi-la-loo” of test on me; from a ton of blood test, ultra sound, urine test and so on. Well my result came back and I was told I had PCOS. You should have seen the look on my face… spaced out! I had no CLUE what that was and the way he said it to me for sure it was not a healthy situation. He explained to me what it was and when am ready to get pregnant I will need help.
    I was now in my mid- twenties and a friend recommended me to a herbalist whom I visited…. anything to get better. I had to change my diet all together. I was told I can only eat the following and mind you ONLY (fish, vegetables, breadfruit and bottled water) NOTHING ELSE. By this time I was already married. I went on this SHORT LIST OF FOOD TO EAT and had the support of my husband, but in the end in all fairness to him, I started cooking 2 separate pots of food. Honestly I only managed for 6 mths and with that I was taking 7 different pills, and this is no exaggeration. By the time I turned 26 my menstrual stopped all together. I had the support and most of all the prayers of my husband, parents and sisters. I reached to the point and said “you know what, the Lord is in control”. I stopped worrying and my husband and I were having the best time of our lives. We were not ready to have children as yet and so we took advantage of having sex none stop. Oh how he loved that!!!
    The toughest side effect of this is your hormones. My testosterone levels are sky high. Naturally I was already hairy, but attractively hairy. I realized I started growing hair where I should not be having any. From side burns, upper lip hair, chin, hair on my chest and tummy and I really started to flip out. I started shaving and Lord HAVE MERCY, IT IS A NIGHTMARE. They started growing thicker as they grow back.
    As of right now I am waxing and will have my first appointment in June to do my laser treatment. I was always a healthy eater and still is. With our condition we are to eat limited starchy food, lots of vegetables and plenty of fiber foods. This is my 6th straight year without my menstrual and I’m now in my early 30’s. I am truly bless to have a WONDERFUL husband and that probably is an understatement. We are ready to start our family, but am waiting on some results that I did last week. I am always doing research about PCOS and I found a group of women on www.soulcysters.com where we can share and see what others are going through and any success stories. Mind you all is not lost because there are many women who has it but have children and some are with child. Let us keep the faith and know you are not alone in this struggle. This may sound “cliché”, but I believe we are some of the strongest women out there. God is good!!!

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  6. Thanks for Sharing Lica. I am sure that you have allowed a lot of people to understand that they are not alone. It is also good that they know that this blog is not only about fibroid but every issue with the uterus. I pray with and for you in your ordeal and understands it completely. It is also amazing that when we think our situation is big, there is someone whose situation is so much greater. I wish you all the best now that you seek to start your family and I will continue believing God for you in this situation.

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  7. I want to add my bit as well. It seems as though in the last 4o years or so many things have been going beserk with what is to be a normal affair in the tide of being wommen. I am sure that nothing like these irregular cycles and hormonal imbalances happened to women post 50 or is it that they bore their burdens alone. Thanks Jasmine for being so brave. I am sure many more want to post. Come on ladies just check the annonymous box its confidential

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    1. You are welcome and thanks for responding. My mom kept asking, what is fibroid, how you get it and I cant answer them. She doesnt have them and she cannot understand how I, her only birth girl does. I believed that in the last 50 years or so, the world has changed tremendously, more toxin in the air, more hormones in our food, more processed food and so our hormones are going haywire.

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  8. Bless the Lord girl and never stop praying. I was diagnosed with abdominal cyst growing on my left ovary at age 17. before this knowledge i had extremely painful periods on a monthly basis. It was never heavy but it was so painflu i had to visit a hospital to get a pain injection the first day of each period. My world caved in because i wasn't much of a prayer warrior then. I had people praying for me though I felt it then and I am even more convinced now. After a series of treatmets followed by an ultrasound the cyst was succesfully gone. I have been keeping tabs on my reproductive health eversince and thankfully i havn't had any more issues since.

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    1. It is very good to hear that you are relieved of your cyst and I am sure the painful symptoms. We sure will continue praying that God will see us through these situations.

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