If you have been following my blogs, especially the personal section, you will understand what I have gone through. From removing a fibroid via abdominal myomectomy, the size of a grape fruit, to finding out during that surgery that I also had endometriosis and ovarian cyst on both ovaries. So at the end of my surgery, there was a sense of relief, but also shock as to all that was taking place in my body. I had a good surgeon and again if you read, you would know how I attributed everything to the glory of God. He helped me in finding the surgeon, in paying less that the actual payment of the surgery (nothing was paid out of my pocket) and to remain calm while in the hospital and recovering following the surgery. I cannot stressed how much it was God.
Well following the surgery, I was put first on lupron, then later on clomid and was told go ahead and try again to start a family. In my spirit, I felt it would be easier, especially with the assistance of the clomid, but month after month, my period would come and I would be disappointed. I knew I was ovulating even without the clomid because I tracked it using ovulation kits monthly. I read all the different positions to put your legs following sex, whether up on a wall, cushion under hip etc...I am sure for those of you are trying, you have read them also. I would scheduled sex so that we do not have too little, but also not too much, once a day every other day leading up to, during and after ovulation. Still NOTHING!!! The tears began to come and I remember thinking is this it. Would I ever be able to give my husband a child? Would I ever be able to look at my own child and say this is the product of my marriage? Frustrated, I didn't take the clomid for a month, but even then nothing. I took it the following month and was closely monitored by the doctor to check the development of my eggs and if I was ovulating. That month, all was well according to the doctor, but still, NOTHING!!!. I cried again as my husband tried to comfort me. Sure he was worried, but it appeared his faith was more than mine. I returned to the doctor. He said to me, it seems like the clomid is not having any effect on your eggs but at the same time I was ovulating. He suggested injectibles and in vitro, both expensive procedures. Hearing those suggestions, I was somewhat fearful. I said to myself, if the doctor should say this, it is serious. Where was I to get the money? I prayed, something I was doing all along, but this time it was more like a Hannah prayer. The prayer that left you looking drunk, drained. Morning after morning, I fell on my face and I prayed. My faith was being threatened. I needed to be reminded what was important in this life because for me, at this juncture, it was having a child and I wasn't sure if that was God's will.
That month, January, 2013 when I noticed despite ALL THE RIGHT THINGS I had done, my period came, I threw in the towel. I said to my husband, we are not going to try this month and I don't know when I would be ready again. I needed a break. I said God, this is it. If It is your will for me to have a child, then it would happen, have your way. If not, then let me find fulfillment in whatever you want me to do, which require that I am childless. Your will be done. I put the clomid and the ovulation kit away. I refused to read anything pertaining to pregnancy and fertility. I said this month, I am going to have sex when and how I pleased. Half the people in this world who got pregnant, never planned nor did they put cushion under their bottoms, feet on wall or lie down 20 to 30 minutes after. I enjoyed my husband to the fullest that month, having sex every day sometime and more than once in the day. It was fun just making love and not thinking about baby, especially as I was going on a short vacation and would be away from him.
On my vacation, I remember sitting in the kitchen with my mother who wanted to know what was happening with me and pregnancy. She asked what causes these things (endo, fibroids etc), how come I get them and she didn't, what was the doctor saying, what are my options. For most of the questions, I had no answer. I tried to enjoy the vacation with my niece and nephew. I hang with my friends, although I thought I was getting too old as I was constantly tired. I had a headache, took aleve. No way I could be pregnant, I thought. I didn't do anything right that month. Then my period due day came and pass, but no period. I still doubted. I played with the idea of buying a test. My boobs were so sore that I couldn't touch them, I was tired etc, but again I said, how many months I felt pregnant to the point of nausea and nothing, just pms. Still, I convinced myself to buy a test and felt if it is negative, what the heck, there are no expectations. Got home, took it and less than a minute I got a POSITIVE. I was in silence. Did I do it right? My excitement was away off. Jeez, I should have bought another one. Should I tell my mother? Instead, I called my brother who had two kids already. He smiled and said it look right, but buy another. He went to get it, but all places were closed. I was leaving for Jamaica the following day. I text my husband with a picture of the test and told him, I might be pregnant. I told him to buy another test to confirm. I wanted to jump and scream, but I didn't want to be hurt by a false positive. Before I returned to Jamaica, I told my mom and immediately she made the sign of the cross and say thank you Jesus. I said, it is just one, let us confirm with the doctor etc, first, before any celebration. I got to Jamaica, took the test, a more expensive one, and again within secs two strong lines appear. I smiled. I thank God. I was so happy, but I wanted to hear from the doctor.
My first visit, confirm a pregnancy at 6 weeks with an empty gestational sac. I was worried, but the doctor said then I am so lucky because so many persons had to repeat the surgery. He put me on folic acid and cyclogest immediately and asked me to return so that we can see if anything form in the sac and to hear a heart beat. The following week, I went back to the doctor and to God be the glory, there was a heartbeat. Now I was SUPER EXCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITED. He put me on low dose aspirin to take along with the cyclogest. Although I never had a miscarriage, he was taking every precaution. Yesterday, 14th May, I returned for my 12 weeks check up and things are progressing well, but this is what I want you to hear. The doctor said to me, THIS IS NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE. YOU ARE ONE LUCKY YOUNG LADY. He went as far as telling me because the fibroid was so big, he had his doubts, but it is a miracle. Since the day, I found out, I was giving God praise. I knew my child is a special blessing. Yesterday though, just hearing it from the doctor, who did my surgery, I was just filled with praise. I want to let you know there is a God who is able. I am trusting him to take me through a healthy pregnancy and whatever the outcome to him be the Glory. Don't lose your faith in God, even though you might have lost it in yourself. He is able. Keep me in your prayers that I do not miscarried but have a full term, healthy pregnancy and I will be sure to give you updates.
